bye bye hi

from sunday morning

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"Every breath you take… Every move you make…" But in muzak.
"Welcome to the Los Angeles airport." Welcome to a musical travesty.

It's 5:40 AM and I'm returning from possibly my last trip to Hawaii
for a while. I've trained the Communication Station's staff and my
role as project manager is officially complete. In the past year I've
spent 54 days on O'ahu for work. Good times and bad times… I got to
surf Waikiki and the North Shore several times. I developed a closer
relationship with my cousin Kari and Matt, her husband. The work was
extremely stressful at times, but it's this work and the products from
it that netted me my promotion. The promotion is kind of a mixed bag
as well, though. Gone are the days of anonymity at work – now I'm a
lightning rod for engineering in the program office. All nice and
good – I like challenging work and being a leader – but the days of
Wednesday morning bike rides are gone, daddy, gone… Sometimes I'm
okay with that – I'm buying a plot of land by the beach and I'm
planning to renovate/demolish/build. I love to build and create. But
what happened to that carefree guy that came back from France with an
appreciation for working less and living more? What happened to the
bike messenger and racer? Now I feel like I'm racing up the corporate/
government ladder, but to what end? I love my life and what I've done
with it, but I occasionally wonder. Just because. It's my nature to
wonder and contemplate and dwell and think and do. Is this growing
up? Have I always been this serious? Am I still the Elf? The
pendulum is currently swinging in the direction of work and at times I
feel like the epitomy of a corporate douche bag (CDB), but I wonder
when will the pendulum swing back in the other direction? Will I race
bikes again? I enjoy riding, but the millstone of training was at
times too much for me. Will I race snowboards again? There was that
first season of about 50 days on the snow in 2006/2007, but since then
I've only done about 10 days a year. Will I continue with beach
volleyball and start to enter tournaments? Why is it always a race or
a competition for me? Or is racing and competition my form of
relaxation? Am I trying to prove something? Why is there always some
golden fleece that I'm searching for? What's next? When will I make
the next right turn and try something completely different?

"Hello… Is it me you're looking for?" But in muzak. "Welcome to the
Los Angeles airport."